So many times I have written a post in my head entitled “Confessions of an Overprotective Mom.”  The subject matter varies, but the theme, of course, is always the same.  Those of you who follow me on Twitter may know two things about me:  1) I’ve had some recent forays into the world of exercise, and 2) I’ve never used a babysitter (apart from occasional help from my in-laws).  I assumed I was the only one on the planet to not rely on babysitters, but it turns out that several of my Twitter friends are in the same boat.

So, when I say that today I went to the gym and left my kids in the nursery, some of you will be thinking how lame I am for waiting until my son was almost four to do such a thing, and the other (very small) portion will be thinking that I’m crazy for doing it.  Such is the world of parenting – what is normal for one parent is inconceivable for another.

After a near nervous breakdown a few weeks ago, my dear husband stepped in and decided that regular exercise and a bit of time away from the kids would be the perfect solution for me.  He was right, of course, but doing it was much harder than I expected it would be (and I expected it to be pretty hard).  I’ve had three weeks to mentally prepare for the idea and this afternoon I loaded my kids in the double stroller, slung my gym bag over my shoulder and off we went, armed with my free guest pass.

My kids ran off eagerly into the nursery.  It was a perfect time of the day – afternoons are the slow time and there were only two other children in the nursery and the gym itself was quiet.  The sales agent who showed me around thought she had died and gone to heaven – never had she met an easier client.  After the tour I simply asked, “Where do I sign?”

The twenty minutes it took for her to show me around and for us to handle the paperwork for our new gym membership diverted me from my anxiety about leaving the kids in the nursery, but when I was left on my own, all I could manage to do was to put in time inbetween visits to peek through the unglazed corner of the glass window to see what my kids were doing.  Every time I checked, they were happily playing, although a couple of times my son was staring at the TV, mesmerized by some (probably dreadful) show.

I considered working out, but I felt much too nervous to concentrate on exercising.  I considered taking my IPhone into the cafe and surfing the web while drinking a cup of tea, but I didn’t think I could pull off the “nonchalant” look for very long.  I considered going into the steam room to relax, but figured that my anxiety coupled with the steam would probably lead to hyperventilation.  So, after about a half dozen visits to check on my kids, I decided to take a shower.

Moms will truly understand my choice.  A shower without children running around underfoot is a treasured thing.  It didn’t take long, but allowing myself just a few minutes of pseudo-relaxation (and cleanliness!) made all the difference.  My anxiety never left me and in fact got worse as I dried my hair and got dressed, but I survived my first gym visit and I’m hoping that it will be easier next time.  It will, won’t it?  Now if only I can actually exercise and resist the temptation to slink off in a corner and write while my kids are in the nursery …